A German officer sits alone in an office outside a large concentration camp. He is tired from a long day of looking after Jews and ensuring all the Fuhrer’s orders are followed to the letter. Suddenly the phone rings. Half asleep and bothered, he picks up the receiver. To his astonishment, he hears the Fuhrer’s voice on the other end.
FUHRER: I hear the others are beginning to worry about our camps. There is a lot of talk about possible inhumane treatment. Are you sure there’s nothing like that going on?
OFFICER: My dear Fuhrer! These are terrible, ugly lies concocted by anti-exterminators! We treat our Jews quite humanely here; everyone knows that.
FUHRER: I thought so. I just needed to hear it from you, captain.
OFFICER: Of course, my dear Fuhrer. I would follow your orders even if it meant walking into oblivion and back.
FUHRER: Your obedience and courage are admired. You display the heart of a true Aryan.
OFFICER: Thank you dear Fuhrer!
FUHRER: However, you must know that lies have a way of persisting in spite of the truth.
OFFICER: Indeed they do.
FUHRER: And that is why you will find a way to stop them.
OFFICER: Of course I…well, I mean…I would very much like to stop them.
FUHRER: Do I hear a hint of disloyalty in your voice, captain?
OFFICER: Of course not! I will do what my dear Fuhrer commands.
The connection is broken. The officer hangs up the phone and immediately calls for one of his subordinates. A soldier rushes into his office with a firm salute.
OFFICER: Soldier! Have you made sure the Jews have all the proper accommodations?
SOLDIER: Yes, sir.
OFFICER: Do they have ample food and water?
SOLDIER: Yes, sir.
OFFICER: What about living space? Time for leisure?
SOLDIER: Yes, sir.
OFFICER: And do all of the Jews in our camp seem happy and loved?
SOLDIER: Exceedingly so, sir.
OFFICER: And what of the manner of execution?
OFFICER: Are their deaths slow and painful or quick and painless?
SOLDIER: Quick and painless, sir. We’ve decommissioned the gas chambers and replaced them with showers.
OFFICER: Good. We need to make sure they are clean before extermination.
SOLDIER: Anything else, sir?
OFFICER: I need you to find out who is spreading rumors of inhumane treatment.
SOLDIER: If I may sir, I’d like to suggest the rumors are coming from the outside.
OFFICER: I thought as much.
SOLDIER: What should I do about it, sir?
OFFICER: Isn’t it simple?
SOLDIER: You want us to…stop killing Jews, sir?
OFFICER: What? No, you idiot! We invite the outside agitators to see how clean and humane our camps are. Once they are convinced how much we care for our Jews, they can stop writing this nonsense.
SOLDIER: Of course…I see.
The soldier remains upright but his features soften and his stance wavers. His eyes wander the office in search of an invisible something.
OFFICER: Yes, soldier?
SOLDIER: With all due respect, sir, might I ask why we are exterminating them?
OFFICER: What a silly question! Because they are Jews! Because our God and our Fuhrer command it you simpleton!
SOLDIER: Yes, of course…I was just thinking how beautiful they are.
OFFICER: They are a rather beautiful species, but we mustn’t give into our base instincts, soldier. We must exterminate them because we love them, and because it is our God-given duty. If we let them go free they would likely be miserable, poor, and die of starvation. The higher races would be inclined to prey on them because of their stupidity, and their cunning ways would get them into trouble with the law. We are doing them a favor by keeping them here. You must realize this.
SOLDIER: Yes, sir. As stupid and beautiful as they are, it is a pity we have to kill them all the same.
OFFICER: Yes, if only they were not Jews things would be different. But the fact of the matter is they are Jews and we are Aryans. Now go attend to your duties at once!
The soldier salutes and exits the office. The officer looks out of his window to check the status of the camp. Instead of a collection of crude hovels, he sees an open field peppered by trees and several picturesque cottages. Masses of seemingly-happy Jews move about while some recline under trees or relax in the warmth of the midday sun. Children can be seen laughing and playing. The barbed-wire fences have been removed in favor of a more pastoral look, although the sentry towers are still watchful, their bullets replaced with tranquilizers should anyone try to make an escape.
The officer sighs with satisfaction at the sight. It makes him feel good to know that these Jews will live long and happy lives before their eventual extermination. Long gone are the barbaric days of gas chambers, torture, and starvation; for every new camp will be as humane and dignified as his own. As the officer reclines in his chair and reminds himself of this fact, a smile erupts across his face. He knows the Fuhrer will be proud.